The idea itself of expressing any of my feelings - whatever they are - makes me feel guilty and I wish I could figure out how not to.
The doctor recommended I start off on a half-dosage so that any side-effects are mild. The SSRI in question is Sertraline, and the usual dosage is 50mg a day, so these last four days I've just been on 25mg instead. I haven't noticed anything different other than being more aware of my lower-jaw and so clenching my teeth every now and then (grinding teeth is one of the usual side-effects, apparently). I've also noticed I can keep my contact lenses (dailies) in for a lot longer than usual before my eyes feel tired, but I'm pretty sure that's unrelated :P Will move up to 50mg as of tomorrow. Will see what happens.
[Excerpt] Going on anti-depressants. Thought I should start writing about the experience to keep a log of any changes, be they noticeable by myself or not.
That's pretty much it. I hate myself a lot right now. And I wish I could end it.
[Excerpt] I think it's best for me to close off from people. I just need to convince myself of it and stop hoping somebody will help.
[Excerpt] I "talk" a lot, but not about about the stuff that's actually on my heart and mind, which are the things I actually want to talk about. Here I try to explain why.
[Excerpt] I have a recurring fantasy that I only recently realised may indicate that I hate myself.